Oh, December
A song from my book "Hollow Trophies for Howling Idiots" (and how it came to be).
(New here? Click this to learn more about my publication.)
Before I share these lyrics, allow me to set the stage.
It’s early December in 2023, and everything I own is in cardboard boxes and plastic tubs by the front door of my one-bedroom apartment. I can no longer afford to live here. The paintings, bookcases, and upright piano that once lined the dismal-gray walls have found new homes—new walls. In their final hour, these objects I spent years working hard to accrue helped pay the last month’s rent.
The evenings after work exist in quiet contrast to the months of chaos that preceded them. Cars whiz by at the end of the block on Federal Highway while the neighbors argue at a decibel I’m all too familiar with.
I’m sitting in a computer chair at my desk while the oven preheats to 425 degrees. A frozen caprese pizza, still in its packaging, waits patiently on the countertop next to the fridge.
My phone vibrates. Even though the last drunken, vitriolic text she carefully crafted was sent to me over a week ago, I’m hoping it’s my ex. It’s been three weeks since she moved out.
Maybe she feels sorry for calling me “a fucking loser”.
Maybe I can string together an apology of my own. I reach for my phone as the oven beeps.
Daniel: Yo man. I wrote a song that’s different from my usual stuff. Let me know what you think. Attachment: 1 Voice Message “Erica”.
Shit.
I stare at my phone for a moment, then press the ‘Play’ arrow.
At first, it’s just the monotonous static of an empty room. Then an acoustic guitar begins playing. It has a familiar warmth, reminiscent of a riff I plucked in 2011 but never finished.
The chords are folky and soft, making a melody kind enough to cradle you in its arms. Dan starts to sing.
“Erica, I want you to know…”
I shut my eyes as my friend serenades me and the boxes and the walls of my empty apartment that was never actually mine. Each strum is its own nostalgic statement, each line a novel; a declaration of longing.
By the time the song’s over, a metamorphosis has occurred within me. I finally have the proper words to flesh out my song. Words that have stumped me for over a decade.
Suddenly, I’m crouched down by the window digging my Taylor acoustic out of its case. Once it’s strapped on, I walk back to my desk and begin playing, humming along and pausing periodically to scribble lines in a notebook.
Then I respond to Dan’s message:
Hey Dan. That was the prettiest thing I’ve heard in a long time. It inspired me to write something of my own. Here are the lyrics.
Oh, December
Oh, December please be kind I have shouldered through so much time Rendered hopeless what’s on your mind? summoning ghosts from the months behind So come on inside make yourself at home we both know that I’m no good on my own With a year gone by do I dare atone? look how we tried just to end up alone Oh, December offer me grace you don’t have to keep up the pace Stay in bed for heaven’s sake wait for the morning ‘til you go to the wake So come on inside make yourself at home we both know that I’m no good on my own With a year gone by do I dare atone? Look how we tried just to end up alone
“Oh, December” is featured on page 51 of my book Hollow Trophies for Howling Idiots. Click here to check out my interview with Atmosphere Press and see what inspired me to it.
I’m Scott; an author and musician living in South Florida. I write poetry, short fiction, and personal essays. If you enjoyed reading this poem, please consider sharing it and subscribing to my page.
Loved it. I really enjoy pieces that are addressed to so-called non-living entities. Coincidentally I had posted a poem on December too. Didn,t mean to push my content but only sharing because it just felt familiar :) Do read if you feel like. Thanks for sharing your piece.
https://open.substack.com/pub/dilsesomya/p/rites-to-december?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
Scotttt. Where have you been!? This was seriously so good! The first half was written so clearly, emotionally, and again with those sharp details. I was there with you. I swear I've been in that moment with you. And that song, it stole my heart. Both of your posts have been the favorite things I've read all day.. all week.. okay, it's only Monday. But you get the point.